Every Christmas since I was three, I got to open presents under the tree at two different houses. Compared to my friends, I received double the presents and seemed quite spoiled. But, really this was only due to the fact that my parents were divorced. Christmas and Easter morning seemed that much more exciting because when my little half-sister was done opening presents, I would go over my Dad’s house and open another set of gifts from Santa. I would often ask Mom and Dad for the same items, for example I had two “Baby Born” dolls and was envied by all of my friends. It might sound as if I was quite the manipulator, but hey, might as well milk it for what it was worth. Divorce is known to have a negative impact on children and my parents knew this; they wanted me to be happy in this less than optimal situation. Divorce has played such a major role in my life; I am a product of divorce.
My parents divorced in 1994, when I was only three. My mom, the hair salon owner, explained it to me as “Daddy likes to play golf and mommy likes to cut hair.” This simple explanation was enough to satisfy my questions on why we were moving in to our own apartment. I would ask the occasional question on when I was going to see my Dad, but I never was distressed or truly concerned with the situation. It was just something I grew up with.
Divorce is becoming more and more popular. According to Divorce Statistics, about 50% of marriages will end up in divorce. They also state that 40% of divorces involve children. (Divorce Statistics). My health teacher also mentioned that often couples will separate but not go through with all of the hassles of a legal divorce; so this number could be even higher that we think. But, this statistic shows divorce is a major issue and concern in our nation and will affect many children.
Many couples will try to stick it out and stay together for the kids, but I think this often causes more stress because the children are forced to witness arguments and tension within the marriage. According to Christina McGhee, an author and speaker on divorce and educating parents, “One of parent’s greatest concerns is how divorce will affect their children.” (Divorce and Children). When children are involved, it will often affect whether or not the couple separates.
In an article that appeared on HelpGuide titled “Children and Divorce: Helping Your Kids Cope with the Effects of Separation and Divorce”, by Gina Kemp, Rosemary Clandos, Jeanne Segaul, “Many kids feel angry, sad and frustrated about the prospect of their parents splitting up for good and are uncertain about what life will be like after divorce” (Children and Divorce, p. 1). According to this article, it emphasizes the importance of support and communication to help the kids deal with this major change. For me, my parents were very friendly and communicated with each other almost everyday. They made decisions together and both talked to me about the separation very often. I also think the reason I think I “turned out fine” was because my parents didn’t have a “nasty” divorce at all. It was a mutual decision that they thought would be most beneficial for me.
I never asked the devastating question, “was this my fault?” my parents always reinforced that it had nothing to do with me and kind of made it seem like not a big deal. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve seen first hand in my friends how much of a challenge it can be to cope with parents’ divorce. In an article titled “The Effects of Divorce on Children”, Lesley Foulkes-Jamison, Ph.D discusses the different cognitive abilities of children at different ages and how they react to divorces at different stages of life. She states, “Parents' sensitivity to their child's needs is one of the most important factors in facilitating adjustment. Other factors such as the child's age, gender and temperament will also influence how well the child adjusts” (Foulkes-Jamison, p. 2). My parents knew how tough this could be on me and gave me a lot of support. I just grew up with the mentality that they just weren’t meant for each other. I think that if it’s truly not going to work out divorce can be the best option if support and a lot of communication are given to the children.
Although I didn’t really struggle with my parents’ divorce, some aspects of it still affected me. When I was 5 or 6 my mom was dating my now stepfather. He was also divorced and had two daughters. My mom decided that it would be great to meet them because we were all within two years of each other. But the thing was, up to that point I was an only child; I received all of my parent’s attention and was basically spoiled rotten. So, when my stepsisters came over for the first time my mom suggested we go into my room and play with my Barbies and other toys. When they started playing with my things I freaked out and had a total meltdown. I think I realized that these weren’t just friends coming over to play, but they were girls who my Mom seemed to truly care about. I was definitely jealous and not a good sharer. This was definitely an obstacle I had to overcome. Now looking back, my stepsisters are basically my real sisters. I think this is evidence that yes, some things did affect me but I was able to adjust. I think most kids can adjust to these changes and grow into healthy adults with the proper support.
Both of my parents remarried which means I got double the parents. In The Journal of Divorce and Remarriage, Brian Higginbotham, Linda Skogrand, and Eliza Torres published a journal titled: Stepfamily Education: Perceived Benefits for Children. This study looked at step families and the effects they have on the children and the marriage. The researchers state, “The presence of children from a previous relationship makes new family relationships more complex.” (Stepfamily Education). When I reacted negatively to my future stepsisters it truly worried my Mom. She didn’t know if her remarrying was selfish and affected the course of her and my stepfather’s relationship. Now looking back, I definitely warmed up to the situation after a few weeks but some children don’t adjust and cause more problems.
But now, as an ‘adult’, I think my parent’s divorce definitely turned out for the best. Instead of seeing one suffering marriage, I saw two successful marriages. I also got two new stepparents, which I consider my real parents. Out of this situation I also got a total of four sisters (two step and two half) who are all my best friends. I would argue that if done in the right way, divorce can be the best option for a failing marriage. I think my parents handled this situation the best way they could, which caused me to come out of it believing in marriage and relationships with no emotional problems from the divorce. Not only did I receive double the presents on holidays, I also got double the family and double the love.
Works Cited
Divorce Statistics. Divorce Magazine. Web. 13 April 2010.
Foulkes-Jamison, Lesely. “Effects of Divorce on Children.” Gainesville Family Magazine. 1 Jan. 2001. Web. 13 April 2010.
Higginbotham, Brian, Linda Skogrand and Eliza Torres. “Stepfamily Education:
Perceived Benefits for Children”. Journal of Divorce and Remarriage 3:51 (2010). 36-49, Web. 13 April 2010.
Kemp, Gina Rosemary Clandos and Jeanne Segal. “Children and Divorce: Helping your kids cope with the effects of separation and divorce.” Helpguide. January 2009. Web. 15 April 2010.
McGhee, Christina. Divorce and Children. 2009. Web. 14 April 2010.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Dear, Danielle.
ReplyDeleteI like your topic and your personal story. It touched my hearts, and it is very emotional paper. Especially, you have a great introduction, and it gives expectation about your paper. Also, you have many sources to support your ideas and opinions. I think you have really great job of using sources, and those sources have good connection with your ideas and points.
Overall, you have really good job of your narrative argument. However, I feel your argument is pretty weak. I can know your ideas and opinions, but as getting reading your paper, I am confused about your opinions. Your ideas and opinions are pretty weak as going to the end. I think if you make clear opinions in the end of paragraphs, your opinions are very strong from the beginning to the end. Also, if you make clear and better conclusion it will be great.
You have really nice job on your paper. I hope this comment helps to improve your paper.
I really enjoyed reading your paper.
Good Luck on your next draft!
Minsun
Dear Danielle,
ReplyDeleteI liked your topic because I can relate to it. I liked the way you introduced the issue for us to read with the “double” gifts and “double” siblings and etc. Your source usage really was good because you did cover your academic source requirement as well as the normal other sources. I felt you could have brought out/ used more of the source by explaining some of the credentials of the sources, especially the academic one. I saw that you tried to expand on it, but I felt it needed a little more on the side of what makes this author credible to your topic. But on the other hand of sources, I was hoping to hear more story verses fact. I am also having trouble on what ratio of fact to story should be, but I feel in your paper there is more fact than story. I felt you had some good insertion, but I was just hoping to see fewer sources and more of your own voice on the issue and also more stories and details.
Another thing I felt you could improve on is the sensory details. I felt the presence of your story through out the paper, but I felt I could not be in your shoes. I was looking for more details within all of your stories. You got five senses, so don’t be afraid to apply all the sense in trying to paint the scene of your story for the audience. Other than these minor problems, I felt your paper was pretty awesome. Good luck on your next paper and I can’t wait to read it.
Bryan Vu